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Thanksgiving Etiquette

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Thanksgiving Tips for Hosts and Guests

Want to be the perfect holiday host or guest? Follow these tips on etiquette and entertaining, and your dinner companions are sure to be thankful.

If you are the host…

  • Plan to provide a non-traditional Thanksgiving meal.  People are sick of turkey and dressing.  You should bring back a favorite like tuna and crackers and be creative with side dishes.
  • Whenever anyone offers to help or bring a dish, say, “NO thank you, I have got it covered.”
  • Do NOT serve cheeses, dips, olives, chips and small sandwiches.  These are items that will choke guests with ease.  If a guest chokes be ready to roll.  Read my article “when someone chokes”.
  • Before the table settings and centerpiece are in place, sit in each chair to make sure each chair will hold the weight of the guest. Fat guests should be assigned the more sturdy chairs or offer to let them eat on the couch.
  • Kids should not be invited because they are gross and eat with their fingers.
  • DO NOT provide any low calorie dishes.  If people are too fat to eat regular food they should not be invited. 
  • Completely clear the table of all dishes from previous courses before serving dessert.  The goal is speed not pleasure.  Feed them quickly then swiftly move to dessert.  After dessert, offer a drink then escort the guests out to their cars.
  • Fill the sink with soapy water so cutlery and small dishes can soak clean.  DO not drink the soapy water.
  • If you are a guest…

  • Arrive earlier than the time the host has announced.  Everyone like an early comer.  Get there at least 2 hours before the announced time.
  • Plan to stay about five hours after dinner.  It is rude to eat and run.
  • Do not bring a gift or write a note of thanks afterward.  You were invited and you don’t need to suck up to get invited back next year. 
  • Do not offer to help set up for dinner or to clean afterward.  You are the guest and you need to remember that.  Be demanding and get pampered!
  • If you’re going to a potluck Thanksgiving, do not bring a dish as your contribution. Pretend you forgot, then load up on everyone elses dishes.  This also applies to unattended wives and girlfriends.  If they are not being tended to, they are fair game.
  • Don’t tell the host thank you.  In modern culture it is seen as an insult.
  • Ask the host if you can take ALL of the leftovers home.  This will show them you enjoyed the meal.  If you did not enjoy the meal, stop by a dumpster on the way home and unload the bad food.
  • Most of all, enjoy Thanksgiving day!


    Written by Dan

    November 24, 2010 at 12:04 pm

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